Nations React
by LaughingTragedy
Summary: Apologies if this reaction fic bores or offends anyone and feel free to give suggestions on what I should make the nations read/watch/look at. Current chapter is Colbert's ad for Europe. Warning: I'm American so naturally this will be riddled with curse words and vulgar humor, also horrible grammar.
1. Chapter 1: Colbert disses Netherlands

**Me: Warning this reaction fic will insult the Dutch (not really but Colbert quotes will insult the Dutch). I only own my OC Mr. Cadillac that for some reason I stuck into the fic. **

**Cadillac: So what are you making my former captors watch?**

**Me: "Blade-in-the-USA: Dutch Coach's Anti-American Rant" in case Netherlands is the kind of guy who doesn't take insults lightly try to keep him from destroying my laptop.**

**Cadillac: Let's see a chance to beat up the damn Dutchman douche who left me with Spain or do something that pisses off my creator who put me through both figurative and literal hell?**

**Me: Name one example.**

**Cadillac: Damned me to immortality, killed my first and third wife off, had my second husband cheat on me, had me experience the agony of getting all my organs cut out, had my first boyfriend leave me for dead, killed my sister off, and added the whole "enslaved by the countries" to my back story. **

**Me: Let's just start this. **

* * *

The personifications of Netherlands, Canada, America, Germany, N. Italy, and Belgium were listening to the dark-haired kid who somehow had the infamous Mr. Cadillac, aka boogeyman of (European)nations, state what they were going to do.

"Okay so you just want us to watch this video, you'll be taking notes on your clipboard, and that's it." Germany was very skeptic seeing as the kid eyed them like a snake _Mein Gott this kind makes Belarus look friendly. _The vaguely ethnic kid nodded and asked if there were any questions, to which America immediately raised his hand.

"Yes America?"

"Okay dude three things. One, what the fuck are you? Two, why does your skin look like someone took different slabs of skin and stitch them together? And three, will we get food after this?" America did not notice the many disgusted looks the nations gave him and smiled.

The child at first gasped, then looked at his hands and noticed the mix matched tan, and then calmly answered.

"I am what some might call a mutt, a mixture of Latin American, European, and Middle Eastern. My skin tone is the result of inheriting delicate pale skin and living in a place that goes from skin-whitening cold to a sun tanner's paradise. As for the food you have the option of either leaving hungry or my subordinate here can shove a pistol down your throat and you get to find out if you can digest a bullet, savvy?" America didn't hear that last part since the kid spoke just as loud as his brother whats-his-face, so he just nodded like an idiot. LaughingTragedy took out his laptop and started the video. It opened up with the Dutch Olympic speed-skating coach Jillert Anema saying every four years America comes to the Olympics and is put in it's place, along with saying they come thinking they're the best and then get zero medals. The Europeans(minus Italy who was just resting on Germany's arm) and Canadian silently nodded to this. America was at first pissed off but perked up as he saw the screen change to everyone's favorite American satirist, Stephen Colbert.

_"We did win one metal. Let me just get", Stephen reaches into his jacket to get something then flips off the camera, "Pachow!" The crowd chanted "USA!" in the background, "Yeah, stick that in your dike and plug it! You know what I don't speak a lot of Dutch but I learned a little bit for the occasion, Fuck you!" _

Germany covered Italy's ears, America was laughing, Canada was silently chuckling, and the Belgian and Dutchman remained stoic.

_"I certainly hope I'm pronouncing that correctly. Who cares what the Dutch think about anything? You people can't even decide on a name for your damn country. Which is it, is it Holland, is it the Netherlands, the Low Country, is it Belgium's Canada?_

Germany was trying to recall if he knew someone called Canada, Canada wasn't sure if he should be offended by this, America was on the floor laughing hysterically, and Belgium was trying to assure her brother that he wasn't a country that lives in her shadow.

_"Who knows? That's why a call it what it is, Germany's left turn lane."_

Germany got nervous as he recalled WWII, America was still laughing like a mental patient, Canada ceased to see any humor in the video. As for the Belgian she tried to keep the now angry Dutchman from getting up and breaking the computer. LT was writing something down as he watched these events unfold.

_The Dutchman seems to be slightly quick to anger but keeps a stoic face, possibly from years of drug abuse he's learned to keep a straight face._

_"And I'd be Amsterdamned if I let anything remotely Dutch into my life again. Know what, I'm done", Colbert then pulls out a pair of klomps. "Yes they're comfortable, and they're stylish, and they're available to anyone with two logs and a chisel but not on my tootsies, not anymore." "But I will admit one thing in your favor, you have given the world", Colbert takes out a vase of yellow tulips,"some lovely tulips."_

Lars settled down and then immediately jumped back up after he saw Colbert decapitate the tulips.

_"I'll give you a hint where you can put your two lips. Now nation you can help put a end to Dutch arrogance by going to and donating to the US Speedskate Team. In return you'll get a "Blade-in-the-USA" t-shirt." _

Cadillac was displeased as he saw his former handler go back to looking completely stoned, _So much with beating up a berserk Lars. _America got up from the floor and started chanting, "USA! USA! USA!" he then ran out the room as he saw the pissed off Dutch date rapist.

LT chuckled and told Lars this wasn't the worst thing they've said about him. Cadillac told the nations politely to leave and turned to his creator.

"Got everything?" Cadillac really didn't want to spend another minute in this universe.

"Let's see, subject shows signs of slight rage issues and perhaps derealization. Honestly I was hoping for more emotion but I guess all that weed keeps you in zen mode." LT leaned back into his chair and sighed,"You can go now but come back for next one ."

* * *

**Me: Sorry about that I'll be sure to use a much better thing I found on for the nations to react to. **

**Cadillac: Be sure to suggest what they should react to in the comments.**

**Me: I'm not so sure about that.**

**Cadillac: Face it anything they suggest would be better than this chapter.**

**Me: Can't we go through one chapter without fighting?**

**Cadillac: You stuck me on that rock to die.**

**Me: You used it as your vacation home and terrorized them when you went through your boogeyman phase. All I did was give you some karma.**

**Cadillac: Was having the first woman I love die and making me a slave to a psychotic Conquistador really fair?**

**Me: We both know I've put you through worse even when you did nothing wrong.**

**Cadillac: I hate you.**

**Me: Feeling's mutual. **


	2. Chapter 2: Porn stash reveal

**Me: Welcome back, my enforcer Mr. Cadillac is not here. He said something about visiting an old psychotic friend from his teen years called Jeff, I wonder who that can be? Anyway, replacing Mr. Cadillac will be his sister Miss Eris Cadillac. **

**Eris: So your the kid little brother goes to visit.**

**Me: Yes and remember our deal, you don't kill me or any of the nations and I tell you what you and Cadillac's heritage is.**

**Eris: Got it. Can I kidnap one of them and slowly torture them or keep them as a servant?**

**Me: Now I know why Cadillac is both insane and terrified of you.**

**Eris: Oh baby brother just respects me and is scared to do anything that upsets me. I was his protector while we were kids so he will do what I say. As for the insane thing Bart has gone through more wars and human torture then any being that has ever existed, also he was a slightly disturbed kid.**

**Me: Aren't you supposed to be the fun twin?**

**Eris: Just start this before I rip your kidneys out and force fed them to you.**

* * *

All the nations(except the ones who were aged below 18) were in the meeting room listening to what LT was saying and a few were staring at the genderbent Mr. Cadillac in the room.

"Okay the article will be shown on the projection screen, any questions." A handful of nations raised there hands.

"France?"

"Who is she and is she single?" All the nations knew she must have had something to do with Cadillac. She had black hair like him, she had glasses just like him, wore a outfit that's almost identical to his, and she had the same Cheshire smile as him except her's was far more creepy. Despite the fact she looked much like Cadillac, quite a few of the nations secretly thought "I'd tap that."

"She is the sister of your ex-husband, didn't Cadillac tell you anything of your sister-in-law at the time?" LT smiled as he saw Eris stare intently at France with a smile that screamed "I'll sneak into your room and kill you tonight." France believed she was checking him out so he blew a kiss in her direction.

"This is the bastard who broke little brother's heart?" Eris inched forward to France, _Deal be damned, this bastard made my brother cry._

"Oh yes, but don't kill him. Really I just want to humiliate some of them, you can beat up your brother's abusive exes later. Take your seats I'm starting this presentation." Eris took an empty seat next to France, she leaned into his ear and whispered,

"My little brother broke down crying because of you and these people. I'll be sure to make you cry later." France shuddered and made a mental note not to break up with anyone with a psychotic sibling by cheating in front them. The nations paled as they saw the words "Global Internet Porn Habits" appear on the projection.

"Up first is everyone's Eastern European vampire, Romania." the Romanian tried to disappear into his seat when his map came up. The top one was mom and son, a lot of nations vomited in there mouth after reading that.

"I-it's LIES!" Romania made a note to look up forgetting spells.

"Next up Syria." and with a click it revealed Syria had a thing for gay asians. Syria blushed ferociously and ignored the asian nations reactions. The female personifications of the continent snickered while the male personifications were nonplussed. Japan went over to her and gave her a coupon that read "Good for one free yaoi manga". As for Syria's so-called "siblings" they gagged as they saw aunt was on the list.

"Up next Finland." LT giggled as he saw the list pop up. Berwald took a mental note of what his "wife" liked, which was apparently mature people cumming. Finland buried his face into his obvious husband but for some reason he denies this. The rest of the Nordics laughed as they read the list.

"I guess this explain why you're so into Berwald huh?" Denmark couldn't stop laughing as he read the list.

"Now, eheheh, Australia! Ohoohoo." LT was starting to get hysterical and his face was starting to twist into a familiar Cheshire smile. Australia banged his head on the table as everyone read the words "Aussie(gay)","Asian", and "Indian". Hungary wrote down Syria and Australia's names for potential future Yaoi Fan Club members. The Asian personifications weren't sure whether to be appalled or flattered that a few countries found them attractive. India remained stoic at this info but mentally took note to watch out for Australia.

"Hehehe, up next, ahahahoohoo, Ukraine!" Russia wasn't sure if he should smash the projector(or writer) so he could protect his sister's secrets. The nations found it odd the large number of gay keywords on the list, except Ukraine who was crying in Hungary's shoulder thinking everyone sees her as a pervert now.

"Don't worry, yaoi is a beautiful thing. At least your not into your own parents." Hungary ignored the annoyed look Romania gave her.

"Moving on to big bad Russia." everyone went silent as the list came up. Russia's "kolkolkol" aura appeared as the nations saw the top term was "russian". The list was pretty normal and somewhat predictable so the nations signaled for LT to move on.

"Up next, everyone's favorite silver haired Nordic, Iceland." LT let out a mad laugh as the nations reacted to Iceland's list. The Icelandic man buried his face in his hands as the list came up. The North American personifications got mad as they saw "native american" appear on the list, _that bastard jacks it to OUR MOM? _While the North American brothers plotted on how to kill Iceland, Hungary dotted down another name on her potential Yaoi members list as she saw the large number of gay search terms, she was also thinking about who would look cutest with Iceland. The Nordics laughed as they read the list.

"Your into some sick stuff huh, little brother?" Norway slung an arm around the disgruntled Nordic who immediately shrugged him off.

"Next up China." LT gave a smile that would creep out even Jeff the Killer as he saw China's panicked reaction. China banged his head on the table as the list came up. The #1 search term was "Japanese", "Japanese gay" and "Korean" were not that far below. Japan started to realize why China was so clingy to him and S. Korea was currently groping China and saying he'll always be his. China told him to stop and continued to skulk.

"Lastly, Iran." LT was disappointed when he saw the #1 term was just "pussy" but started to laugh as he saw that half of the terms were gay search terms. The Middle Eastern countries were not sure how to react to the fact their brother might not be so sure on his sexuality. Iran on the other hand remained stoic.

"As it seems our favorite Persian has some sexuality issues." LT giggled one last time before going back to a more serious demeanor. He calmly asked everyone to leave. Hungary went to ask the now somewhat outed nations if they wanted to join her yaoi club.

* * *

**Meanwhile **

Cadillac was at a cafe, sitting opposite of him was a slightly younger-looking man aside him (Cadillac has eternal youth/immortality like the nations and is stuck at 24). Cadillac was eating a severed human arm like a steak while the guy across of him in a hoodie was prodding his "meal".

"So still keep that damn mu-OH FUCK!" Cadillac spat out a piece of flesh and looked down to see a dog ,that nature never intended, gnawing on his leg.

After ripping it off (along with some flesh and muscle) Cadillac turned to it's owner.

"I see the dog still hates me even after all these years." Cadillac bit a chunk out of the body part in front of him, "Then again all animals hate me." Cadillac took another bite out of his "meal".

The guy across him wasn't listening as he gave the dog the arm on his plate. The man turned to Cadillac to reveal bleached skin, removed eyelids, and a carved smile.

"Maybe it's the fact you eat their owners. Why do you do that again? Last killing spree we went on you just used their skin as sketching paper." Jeff was curious as to the former partner turned to cannibalism.

"You'd be surprised what you're willing to eat when you've been forced to starve for weeks in a dungeon." Cadillac got a glassy stare and reverted back to his old smiling self.

Jeff was intrigued by this, "By guess those anti-depressants you told me about are working?"

Cadillac let out a chuckle.

"I'd recommend them to you but the side effects can cause that smile of yours to rip even further." Cadillac took a mintute to eat some of the flesh in front of him. "Then again your face is already as fucked up as it is so what's the point?" Cadillac started laughing a high-pitch laugh.

In less than a second Cadillac felt something sharp pierce his skull and a few drops of blood drip down his forehead. His smile grew into his signature Cheshire and he calmly removed the knife from his head, not blinking once. He took a few minutes to admire the blade, turned to the assailant, and asked in a much more maniac voice,

"I'm curious. After all those times you've seen me gut myself what made you think this would kill me?" Bart started to go into a hysterical laugh and dropped to the floor. This wasn't new to Jeff since he's seen this before, but taking out a syringe and injecting whatever was in it was a new addition. Cadillac's smile faded and was replaced with a look of despair, he got up and apologized for the incident. They conversed for a few hours about murder methods, which type of victim's the best, and of course complain about their other friends.

"And they don't show any fucking appreciation! I gave up my life of crime, I got help to control my insane side, and I've saved millions of lives. You know what they did? They labeled me a vigilante and tried to turn me into a lab rat, JUST BECAUSE I KILL THOSE WHO DESERVE IT! Those hypocrites are ALWAYS complaining about the boy scouts in tights that leave complete psychopaths alive. I come in, shot down a few mob bosses and serial pedophiles, THEY FUCKING HATE ME BECAUSE I DON'T GIVE OUT THE RIGHT IMAGE!" Cadillac took a minute to catch his breath.

"Bright side you're not stuck as a teenager. I can't go any where with the other guys without that asshole Jack saying, "Sorry kid, adults only"." Jeff was starting to feel the urge to kill, _Maybe Cadillac can drop me off at a nursery or something. _

"Which Jack? The goth clown one or the jackass who tried to take my kidney while I was drunk?" before Jeff could answer, Cadillac checked the time on his watch/gauntlet. "Shit, I gotta go Jeff. I'll see you and the other guys for poker at my place okay. Oh, and tell Laughing boy I want my stuff back. I know he stole my army knife I got in 'Nam and if that lipstick-wearing motherfucker lost it." Cadillac finished the sentence in his demonic voice, "Tell him I'll tie him up, slowly skin his flesh, drench it in alcohol, and then eat him alive." in a flash Cadillac was gone, leaving only a happy Jeff. _Oh clown boy is going to get what he deserves next week._

* * *

Cadillac appeared before his creator and psychotic twin. He dusted off his coat and asked calmly,

"What I miss?"

* * *

**Cadillac: Isn't this supposed to be about the nations and not about who I hang out with on Saturday night?**

**Me: It is, but I wanted to show your "other" side. I made you with a split personality, one side is aloof and calm while the other is a psychotic demon. **

**Cadillac: Couldn't you be more specific with the voice change?**

**Me: It's something of a mix between Troy Baker's Joker and Scott Cleverdon's Carnage. **

**Eris: You haven't answered what the fuck me and my brother are.**

**Me: Your American obviously, seeing as your both completely insane.**

**The siblings stare at LT like Jeff the Killer.**

**Me: Well not really, seeing as you both were born outside the country and were simply left at an orphanage. You really wanna know what you guys are?**

**Cadillac and Eris: Yes.**

**Me: Latvian, Lithuanian, Russian Cossack, and Spanish from your dad's side.**

**Cadillac: Really? Our parents come from the crybaby/pervert countries?**

**Me: They were also ruthless serial killers.**

**Eris: I'm pretty sure this chapter has gotten too off subject.**

**Me: Very well, see you all next time. **

**Cadillac: Also review. Really this kid could use some tips or suggestions.**


	3. Chapter 3: Creepypasta

**Me: LaughingTragedy here along with my OC, Mr. Cadillac.**

**Cadillac: You said something about me bringing in a friend to help out, right?**

**Me: Yep.**

**Cadillac: Who exactly are you making me bring in? Remember I hang around with psychotics and the dudes from Creepypasta and Arkham.**

**Me: *looks at list* How about LJ?**

**Cadillac: Okay. You are going to keep the kid nations out of the room right?**

**Me: No, but you're the boogeyman of everyone since you've tortured them horribly. I'm pretty sure your very presence keeps the clown in ,what I call, "too big of a pussy to do anything" mode.**

**Cadillac: I never tortured anyone. I only played pranks on the nations, I never tortured the capes, and... Yeah, Jackie was to me as Lithuania was to Russia except I didn't go as far as tie him up and whip him. On second thought we're more of a sadistic version of France and England's relationship. **

**Me: Don't give too much away. Anyway, the nations will be watching footage of some Creepypasta killers/stories.**

**Cadillac: Are the murders/torture sessions I did in that world in there too?**

**Me: No, that I'm saving for a later story.**

**Cadillac: Is the story where Japan and Germany eat Italy in there? That I'd really love to see, also maybe find out what the flesh of a nation tastes like... I wonder if English flesh tastes like tea. **

**Me:(scoots away from the now creepily smiling Cadillac). I own nothing but Caddie and his completely fucked up past and personality.**

* * *

Cadillac was messing with a deck of cards as he waited for his creator and former masters to arrive. LT and the nations started pouring in and taking seats. LT set up his projector, laptop, and motioned for Cadillac to summon his old poker buddy.

"Today we'll be joined by one of Cadillac's poker buddies. Countries and territories, I present you-" LT paused and waited for his surprise guest to appear. Cadillac took out a sketchpad and drew a circle on it with some writing. He ripped the paper out and tossed it into the air, causing it to turn into a portal. The nations were amazed by this and then disappointed as Cadillac simply ruffled through it like he's going through his backpack. Cadillac started to pull something out,

"Countries I present you-"

"Lord Zedd from Power Rangers?" At first Cadillac didn't know what America was talking about, then he looked to see what he pulled out.

It was a little known armor from the Marvelverse known as "the Destroyer". As the empty eyes started to glow yellow, Cadillac simply uttered,

"You gotta be-" He couldn't finish the sentence as he was blasted across the room. Cadillac closed the portal and opened a new one. He ended up failing a few times pulling out an actual Power Ranger, the Carnage symbiote, Sherlock Holmes, and Elton John. On the sixth try Cadillac knew he got the right guy as he felt matted hair.

* * *

**Meanwhile on the other side of the portal**

Laughing Jack was admiring his handy work, _1 pair of twins dead and a mom sent to the mental institution, I do believe this deserves a lollipop. _His train of thought was interrupted as he felt something start to touch his head and then pull him through something.

* * *

Cadillac smiled as he saw the familiar plastic-like and eye-shadow heavy face come out of the portal.

"Ladies and bastards, I present you Laughing Jack."

"Okay who is the idiot who wants to-OH FUCK MY EYES!" the clown started screaming in agony and clawing at his eyes. The nations turned curiously to Cadillac.

"I probably should've mentioned to go from world to world you need to adjust first. The process of adjusting to a world like this mostly involves sudden weight loss, extreme burning/irritation of the eyes, temporary insanity, and for some reason it messes with your hairstyle. It's one of the reasons I was stuck with America's haircut for awhile." Cadillac watched intently as the strange clown kept squirming in pain. Laughing Jack started to feel somehow even skinnier and his hair start to grow out even more. As his eyes stopped feeling like they were filled with mace, Jack recoiled in shock as he saw who summoned him.

Cadillac smiled at this, "What's wrong Jackie? Not happy to see your former playmate?" The Catholic nations started to pray for the clown after they saw Cadillac had the same face he has when he is about to eat someone. Just as Cadillac bared his many fangs, LT injected some strange fluid via syringe. Cadillac's murderous smile faded and was replaced with a stoic grimace.

"My apologies Jack, I simply summoned you here to watch a film detailing the crimes of you and your poker buddies/roommates. As you probably already realized your powers no longer work, if you attempt to harm any of the other audience members I will administer this to Mr. C here.", LT pulled out a syringe filled with a strange green fluid. "Now if this is injected into Cadillac he goes into one of his psychotic episodes and either you'd be a pile of bloody rags on the floor, or Cadillac puts you back in the box. Do you understand the situation you are in? Oh, and also seeing as your cosmic powers don't work here you should be wise to not hurt any of the other audience members."

Jack nodded his head and took a seat next to the now calm Cadillac. LT killed the lights,

"Now before we begin I must warn you, these films are not for the fainthearted. I now ask those of you in the room who have "children" to escort them out unless you want them to be horribly scarred for the rest of their life." Sweden escorted Sealand and his micronation pals out of the room. "Also for those of you who scare easily," LT's eyes lingered on the Baltics as he said this, "remember this film contains dismemberment, cannibalism, torture, and in the end we will show you a realistic animated short that answers the question, what would've happened if the Axis Powers ran out of food on that island? For the slow nations", his eyes lingered on America and Poland this time, "who can't connect the dots let's just say Germany and Japan turn into the same thing Spain turned Cadillac into." Cadillac started to remember all those times Spain starved him to death and only let him eat human flesh.

_You have to admit they tasted deliciou- _Cadillac shook his head, _Great, I'm growing immune to the anti-psychotics. __  
_

"Now let's start this up with Laughing Jack in action." Jack smiled and began to wonder which of his victims will be shown. The screen flickered to show some poor child wandering alone at night. The nations started to hear a off-key version of "Pop Goes the Weasel" and by the looks of it so did the kid. The kid then looked startled by something off-screen and began to run. After he stopped to catch his breath, the nations saw Jack materialize behind him. The boy was pulled into the shadows by the now laughing Jack.

The weaker nations (S. Korea, Latvia, America, France, and the Mari-, I mean, Italian brothers) started to tremble and hold onto whoever was closest. The somewhat morbid nations (Russia, Belarus, Britain, Mexico, and Canada) were laughing at this, they stopped after they saw the next slide.

* * *

Cut to Nations

America was currently crying into his brother's shoulder, yelling "TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF!". Canada on the other hand had mixed feelings about the film, he inherited his "other" father's morbid love of everything scary but this was just a kid getting attacked. England had the same reaction as his illegitimate son, whats-his-face, but still mustered a small chuckle. France wasn't really scared but pretended to be so he could cling on to England. Russia and his sister were as hysterical as the other dimensional clowns across them, creeping out both the Baltics and anyone who wasn't watching the film. Mexico (who is the Russia of the Latin countries) was as hysterical as his fellow creepy countries, mostly because he didn't know this was a real kid about to get slaughtered.

* * *

Cut back to focus on the film

The boy had most of his flesh removed, his organs and candy were spilling out of him like some sick Pinata, and the nations could hear a soft moan indicating he was still alive.

Jack was laughing like a hyena as he admired his handy work, he slung his arm over the chuckling Cadillac next to him who started to laugh almost as hard as Jack was. _This isn't right, we don't laugh at thi- _Cadillac kept on laughing as the screen showed Jack putting the child out of his misery. Most of the nations either flinched or yelped as they watched Jack bash the kid's head in with a carnival hammer. Cadillac started going hysterical and felt the blood lust, _Come on you know you want to end one of them. Go on, Kirkland and the Spaniard are right there begging to be cut open._ Cadillac took out a syringe and injected some more anti-psychotics. He went back to his mellow state and continued to watch the film.

* * *

Cut to Nations thoughts

America: _OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! STOP THIS PLEASE!_

Britain: _Oh, oh god I'm going to be sick. Flying Mint Bunny, Frog hold me!_

France: _It's just a movie, it's just a movie, it's just a movie. I'm to sexy for fear.__  
_

Russia: _I wonder if Latvia would like to play that game with me._

China: _Please don't let Russia try to do this to me, please don't let Russia try to do this to me. _

* * *

Back to the film

The screen flickered to show what looked like a happy couple camping. Jack giggled, knowing everyone's favorite faceless freak is going to be making an appearance. America had his eyes shut, was still crying into Canada's jacket, and using Kumajiro's fur as a tissue (much to their dismay). England and France pulled each other closer as the screen flickered to show them taking a stroll at night with nothing but a lamp. (If you're camping and decide to take a stroll at night with only a lamp you are basically flipping off Death and deserve to be part of a horror story). There was a rustle and a wail from America, the couple onscreen looked behind there backs and saw a tall faceless man in a suit and tie. The only nation terrified by this was America who was screaming into Canada's ear. England sighed _How did that kid turn into such a pussy?_. The clown in the room was literally laughing himself out of his seat and holding on to Cadillac for support. Laughing Jack couldn't control himself after seeing the people in the room found him scarier then Slenderman. _Oh Slendy you never were as scary as... Wait, what am I leaning against?_ The clown looked up and quickly recoiled after seeing a creepily smiling Cadillac.

LaughingTragedy paused the film quickly and warned them the REALLY disturbing stuff is on it's way (he really just said "coming up is the real morbid stuff so, all cowards out."). America immediately ran out as the film turned to static. The familiar white flash appeared and changed the scene to a bedroom. The nations could make out a sleeping form under the sheets and something moving in the corner.

Out of the shadows came everyone's (2nd) favorite Glasgow-smiling killer, Jeff. The nations only found the scars unsettling at most and a few yawned as they watched him stab the poor sleeping bastard after saying "Go to sleep". LJ was hysterical as he saw proof HE was the scariest of his roommates. He leaned back in his chair and took out a lollipop, only to have it snatched out of his hand by Cadillac.

"You can get both this back and the assurance I won't horribly torture you after this when you return my knife." Cadillac made sure only Jack could hear him and stoically unwrapped the sweat. The screen flickered again to show another bedroom and another figure in a hoodie. The nations found Eyeless Jack's illegal kidney stealing boring and lost interest in the film. Jack made a mental note to ask the strange kid if he filmed the audience's reactions, seeing as the others wouldn't believe him when he said they found him scarier.

LT paused the film and asked all nations but Germany and Japan to leave.

Bart and Jack conversed on the reaction of the nations. "Any reason why they found Jeffy and EJ boring?"

"These bastards have been through war and a few of them have tortured me into insanity. To them regular slashers like Jeff and EJ are as lame as they come."

LT interrupted the two,

"Bart would you please escort Jack back to his world? And make sure he gets there in one piece and no sexual harassment claims." Cadillac opened a portal, basically tossed Jack into it, and jumped in after him. LT turned to 2/3's of the Axis Powers and told them to take a seat that was closer to his laptop.

"Now remember this video is very realistic are you sure you wish to continue?" The two nodded and LT started the video. It opened with the Axis on that god forsaken island where all nations ended up while on the water and where Cadillac was left to die by England.

"Who animated this? It is very detailed." Japan considered hiring the animator of the film to write a manga with him but decided not to after LT said the Devil (Cadillac) made it.

"So you said in this video we turn into what Spain turned Cadillac into, what did he turn into exactly?" Germany's question was answered quickly as he watched the animated version of him and Japan drown Italy. The two then dragged his body close to the fire and Japan took out a knife. The real Germany and Japan were shocked as they watched identical versions of themselves start to cut open Italy and tear out his intestines. Germany became to shocked for words as he watched his cartoon counterpart start to eat Italy's intestines. As for Japan, he immediately took out his katana and started to attack the computer screen.

"You realize that was not mine."

"Don't care, Tragedy-san. Here's a coupon for a replacement." Japan was too disturbed by the picture to care for the fact he just destroyed someone else's property.

"It was Bart's." Japan now had to worry about nightmares and an angry cannibal God. Germany snapped out of his shocked state, he got a look of disgust on his face, and then ran out of the room screaming "ITALY!". Japan followed, leaving LT to write down his progress reports,

_The nations seem to be desensitized to regular and untheatrical violence. All of them seem to have a soft spot for children. As for the former Axis, it seems after all this time they still have a close bond._

* * *

**Me: Finally I finished this and apologies if you just found out about the lost episode of Hetalia.**

**Cadillac: I'm a cannibal and even I was disturbed by that short. Oh, and by the way when are you going to finish those other stories?**

**Me: When school becomes less tasking and when I finish the comic I'm making of you and the creepypasta gang.**


	4. Chapter 4: Sealand's Fucked Up Past

**Me: Welkom terug! LT here with my insane ,bootleg Doctor ripoff Cadillac here.**

**Cadillac: Why do I take orders from you again?**

**Me: I have your sister on speed dial, I made you, and I have the ability to put you through even more psychological torture. **

**Cadillac: Okay, what are they reacting to this time?**

**Me: Cracked's "Fun Size Countries: The Insane Histories of the World's 6 Tiniest Nations".**

**Cadillac: Oh God you're bringing in that runt aren't you.**

**Me: I find him annoying also but be nice he's Swede and Fin's kid.**

**Cadillac: He reminds me to much of a young England, minus the cloak and siblings throwing stones at him. Anyway enjoy the story. **

* * *

Sweden, Finland, England, and Sealand (damn, missed the quartet of "land" countries) were waiting for LT, and hoping Cadillac would at least blink once. Sweden knew Cadillac respected him and would never hurt him or his family, England on the other hand was as nervous as Japan in a crowd. Seeing as Cadillac is still pissed for all those attempted murders, enslaving him, selling him to the European personifications, and keeping him as a slave stating "you're not human so you don't count". Cadillac was going over the pros and cons of just attacking the limey now,

_He is right there. _

_But Sweden could jump in front or something._

_And the kid and Fin would be scarred. _

_But he's righ- _

"Okay let's get this show on the road." LT took a seat between the nations and the interdimensional monster, took out his laptop, and opened up the Cracked article.

"A little comedy site wrote a piece on micro nations, here's the summary they had on Sealand." LT let out a laugh as he read the following lines aloud,

_managed to defend his little kingdom with petrol bombs, gunfire, and something scientists call "lunatic strength."_

"I guess that explains why he asked me how to make molotovs." Finland made a note to look through Sealand's room after this.

_Understandably, Roy's royal presence was summoned to court in England to figure out what the hell that was all about. The courts ruled that Sealand was not part of England and Roy could do whatever he wanted there. Mighty England had been defeated by a man and his dream. And his petrol bombs and lunatic strength._

_At this point you have to think only a unique type of moron would dare to mess with Roy. Meet Alexander G. Achenbach, prime minister of Sealand, who revolted and took Michael as his hostage. Oh, shit! Suffice to say, Alexander's coup ended with Roy coming back in his helicopter with a crack team of mercenaries. He took over the island and kicked all the idiots out. There is not much information about Roy's mercenaries, but we like to think they were Vietnam veterans on the run from the law for a crime they didn't commit._

"I TOLD YOU I WAS A REAL COUNTRY! AND I'VE HAD A COUP TOO!" Sealand was ecstatic as he started to gloat about how he was better than England. Sweden turned to Cadillac,

" 'e going to b' l'ke th's 'll n'ght n'w." Cadillac apologized to the stoic giant and offered to take him and his "wife" to a pub later. The Swede declined and followed his family out. England got up,

"I'll be willing to take you up on that offer. Drinking usually helps me get through Sealand's rants."

"You're buying, and don't pull that "I forgot my wallet" bullshit on me. I know you're always carrying and there is the fact you still owe me all that money from the 1700s-1900s."

The two former pirates walked out, setting aside their centuries old feud to get shitfaced. Leaving LT alone to write,

_Note to self watch out for Sealand... Oh who am I kidding his people might be formidable but the kid is a weakling. Also Cadillac will forget centuries of mistreatment when alcohol is offered. _

* * *

**Me: Sorry if it was short but the next chapter will be much better I promise.**

**Cadillac: What are we doing for that?**

**Me: Either "5 Huge Brands that Pissed Off Whole Countries" or "The Hilarious Story of Football Abroad". Comment which should be next or suggest something else.**


	5. Chapter 5: France vs America

**Me: Okay, elinavill suggest I do a chapter on "Epic Rap Battles of History". **

**Cadillac: I'm not doing this shit.**

**Me: Why? I need someone to keep the nations under control. **

**Cadillac: I only listen to classical and rock music. Find someone else to keep these psychos from trying to kill one another. *leaves***

**Me: *Dials Cadillac's sister* Yeah hey Eris I need you to fill in for your baby brother. It's the Nationverse again, their watching a rap- Hello? Fuck. Plan C. *dials unknown number* Hey can you fill in for Cadillac? Yes I know I haven't introduced you yet. No, it's not a big dramatic storyline. You'd get a introduction till I can squeeze you in a story. Okay deal.**

**Me: Remember I only own my OCs and this chapter may offend or bore. Enjoy.**

* * *

France and America were sitting in the meeting room, waiting for LT and Cadillac to bring in whatever form of entertainment they were supposed to react to this week. America was hoping it would be a trailer for the new Captain America while France was thinking he would finally get his hands on the "footage" of him and Cadillac.

* * *

_Outside the Room_

LT was talking with a tall lanky man outside who was wearing a coat similar to Caddie's, and that was the only thing those two had in common. This guy was paler, was wearing a suit, and instead of claws and fangs he had ginger hair that was reminiscent of Scotland and a top hat. The man was ecstatic and currently shaking LT's hand.

"You won't regret this boss."

"Yeah, just call me LT and tone it down on the whole clown gimmick."

The two entered the room.

* * *

The two nations got confused when they saw LT walk in with the Scotland lookalike.

"Why did you bring _Angleterre's _brother and why is he in Cadillac's clothes and a top hat?"

LT sighed, "Cadillac refused to come so I brough-"

The man began to shake France's hand ferociously,

"Charlie Colpin, interdimensional scrivener, notable prankster, and Bart Cadillac's ex-boyfriend."

France welcomed the handshake, then immediately regretted it after he felt a sudden shock. Colpin smiled wide and revealed he was wearing a joy buzzer. "I couldn't resist, I just picked this up from another world." LT told the clown to sit down.

LT brought out his new laptop and started to load a video. "Now this is from a group known as Epic Rap Battles From History, this video depicts a rap battle between American icon Miley Cyrus and Joan of Arc."

This peaked the interest of both nations.

* * *

_Let me guess, You're here to hate_  
_Well you can stand in the autograph line and wait_  
_Cause I'm all twerk, I got all day_  
_To Spit harsh words in this French maid's face_  
_You died a virgin girl, who you think you messing with?_  
_It's Miley Cyrus, I'm the hottest thing since Britney, Bitch!_  
_I'm getting lifted on that molly, get that party turned up_  
_You getting lifted on a stake, get that body burned up_  
_Had enough? It's my habit, when I grab the mic I milk it_  
_You could say this rap is like my alter ego, cause I killed it!_

* * *

"Oh God that's bad, now I know why Cadillac doesn't listen to rap." Colpin agreed with his creator.

France found the girl horribly disrespectful while America was rooting for Miley.

"Come on Hannah Montana, beat her French ass!"

France smiled as he saw it was Joan's turn.

* * *

_Lord, forgive me for the words I speak_  
_I know the voices of the angels tell me turn the other cheek_  
_But I'm about to rip Hannah Montana's tongue out through her teeth_  
_Je suis la fille en feu call me Katniss Everdeen_  
_When it comes to bad bitches, I'm the patron saint_  
_But I only get down on my knees when it's time to pray_  
_I came to Frenchmen's aid in the time of need_  
_Cause I'm the Maid of Orleans, You're the Mardi Gras beads, honey_  
_My father taught me things your daddy couldn't teach ya_  
_Your highest calling was a text from Wiz Khalifa_  
_You gotta die for something, Miley, just picture your epitaph_  
_Had the world watching, chose to show them all her flat ass_

* * *

France snickered at this, "It seems your singer has lost America."

America, "The Hero's singer isn't down yet frenchie."

* * *

_Sweet burn, no pun intended_  
_You're a cross-dressing peasant, betrayed by those you defended_  
_But when I come under fire I can hash tag handle it_  
_If God's in your corner, girl you need better management_

* * *

"That is a very rude and obnoxious girl, no wonder she's from you." this insult just went over the American's head as he began to chant "USA! USA! USA!"

* * *

_Do not take the Lord's name in vain you ratchet skank_  
_Your manager's riding you to the achy breaky bank_  
_Be thankful for your talent, don't just rub it on your crotch_  
_Keep your party in the USA, viva la France_

* * *

"My side wins, and really keep Miley in your country." France didn't care for the fact his name was put in to rhyme with crotch,he was just happy Joan got the last word.

"No way man, Miley was the clear winner! The Hero is always right!" America brought out a small American flag and began chanting again.

"Your taste in music is almost as bad as your taste in food." France regretted this as America pulled out a Big Mac and tried to force it down his throat. The Frenchman ran as fast as he could, with the grease monkey not far behind.

Colpin turned to his creator, "Those are the creatures that used to own Bart as a slave?"

LT shrugged, "He was unprepared and he couldn't survive a shot to the face at the time."

* * *

**Me: Sorry elinavill if this chapter wasn't what you had in mind. If anyone else wants to suggest something comment and if not I'll just use an article I found called, "15 Reasons Canada is Better Than Your Country". **

***Cadillac enters***

**Cadillac: What I miss?**

**Me: I introduced Charlie and America tried to force Francis to eat a Big Mac.**

**Cadillac: God I wish this world was still in the Golden Age of Piracy.**

**Me: So does England, anyway ciao for now.**


	6. Chapter 6: Sexiest Nations

**Me: Today the nations will be reacting to "Sexiest Nationalities according to America". Sadly, Cadillac is off on business and I'm stuck with his ex. **

**Charlie: Hey! I'm a pretty big part of his history you know?**

**Me: I'm the damn writer of course I know but this fic is focusing on the nations not you're history with Bart. Also plot hole patch up, Colpin has something similar to Cadillac's gauntlet (read my other stories to get info on that) so he can teleport at the flick of a wrist.**

**Charlie: LaughingTragedy only owns his OCs. Enjoy.**

* * *

The nations were waiting for LT to be done with setting up his laptop and a few wondered who the carrot top next to him was.

"Okay before we begin any questions? Yes England?"

"Who's the wanker in top hat and trench coat?"

Charlie flicked his wrist and appeared next to Arthur. "Charlie Colpin, a proud Bostonian, a founding member of the Traveler's Guild, and the guy who got Cadillac out of the closet." A lot of the nations moaned in annoyance that they're stuck with an American (not knowing that Cadillac actually grew up in the Deep South and lives in another world's version of NYC). A handful were curious what the Traveler's Guild was. Russia raised his hand, "What is the Traveler's Guild Comrade?"

"Sorry Ivan but we don't have time for a long explanation about Cadillac's past and his species. Let's just start this with CNN's "Sexiest Nationalities for Americans". Colpin will be handing out pitchforks and torches if any of you wish to chase the US personification after this." Colpin pulled out a playing card and tossed it on the ground. In about 5 seconds that card turned into 3 barrels with pitchforks and torches.

America got nervous and tried to stop LT from showing the stats. "Really dude we don't have to see this just. How about the hero buys everyone McDonald's and we forget about this." He paled when he saw the article was already brought up.

_Sexiest men according to American women_

_1. British_  
_2. Irish_  
_3. Brazilian_  
_4. Swedish_  
_5. American_  
_6. Spanish_  
_7. Scottish_  
_8. French_  
_9. Greek_  
_10. Puerto Rican_

The female nations got a laugh out of this. The male nations that weren't on the list were a bit offended.

France was offended because England beat him, "Ho-how? HOW?! I speak the language of love! And I can actually cook!" This got England smug, "Apparently they want a real prince and not a frog." The two then began to try to claw one another's eyes out. Finland clung onto Sweden closer when he saw his name on the list. Greece simply shrugged when he saw his name on the list and went back to his cats. Scotland was just happy he beat France,

"No one can resist the Scots." Colpin appeared next to him, "I hear that!" He explained he came from a Scottish family when he saw the confused expression on Scotty's face. The Puerto Rican personification was flattered and the Spanish personification gave America a tomato. The Irish twins just blushed and moved farther away from the US personification.

LT cleared his throat, "Next up we have which women American men find attractive." America paled even more and hid himself under the table in the event Hungary or Belarus bring out their weapons.

_Sexiest women according to American men_

_1. Colombian_  
_2. Brazilian_  
_3. American_  
_4. Spanish_  
_5. Russian_  
_6. Dutch_  
_7. French_  
_8. Bulgarian_  
_9. Swedish_  
_10. Italian_

The Colombian personification blushed at this and said she was flattered. When Argentina saw Brazil was on this list too he asked America if he had a thing for Brazilians.

"No and I certainly don't have a subscription to Playboy Brazil." America let out a halfhearted laugh and just hoped the South American would go away. Brazil was not sure if she should be flattered or horrified the American had an interest in her.

"Spain, Sweden, and France made the list again also. Anything there?"

Finland clutched on to Sweden tighter, Spain gave America another tomato, and France was rubbing it in England's face that his country has the more attractive women.

"Of course I'd make this list, who doesn't want to have sex with a French amant? Not to mention the women in your country look like they belong in fields." This resulted in another fist fight with the other UK siblings trying to keep the two from killing each other.

N. Italy was as naive as ever, "Ve~ Germany what does sexiest mean?" The German told him to ask again later. S. Italy wasn't if he should cursing at the American or be proud his country made the list.

Holland was too stoned to know what was going on so he just shrugged. Russia went up to the American, "Good luck trying to get a Russian to go out with you Comrade." the giant went back to his seat with the same childish smile on his face. Bulgaria did the same as his idol.

America couldn't think this day could get any worse, a pitchfork just barely missed him. He saw the personifications of Hungary, Belgium, and Belarus holding pitchforks and frying pans.

"We didn't make the list?" The poor bastard ran out the door with the Furies not far behind. The other nations followed to see the outcome, leaving Colpin and LT in the room. LT started to write down one of his notes,

_America apparently has a thing for Brazilian people, also possibly Spain, Sweden, and France. _

* * *

**Me: Sorry if this was too short or mediocre. **

**Colpin: And yes the kid made a Greek mythology reference. **

**Me: Here's a little explanation on why Cadillac isn't here.**

* * *

Cadillac was bored out of his mind as he documented the new world. He sighed as he talked into the tape recorder,

"New world found in Section:1952 aka the "Mad" zone, also known as where my kind goes to die. Anyway world has similar conditions as the Nationverse in terms of adaptation. The "anomalies" seem to include some blonde in a red trench coat who apparently destroyed a city, humanity lives on a planet called Gunsmoke, and this is a good spot for bounty hunting. World does not have the qualifications for Guild protection and shows no risks of imploding. Universe shall be named "Gunsmoke", ranked at a code 5 danger level, and finally coordinates. If ever the case enter 1996-2000-1952 to return."

Cadillac heard an explosion in the distance and started to hear gunfire. His eyes went black and he smiled,

"Showtime."

* * *

**Me: That was just to explain where Cadillac was and so I can use his interdimensional powers to sneak in a reference.**

**Colpin: Wait, wait, wait. This world is set in the "Mad" zone?**

**Me: Oh yeah, the reason why Cadillac is the only interdimensional being who appears in my other stories (involving Hetalia) is because their corner of the Omniverse is a zone infamous since most interdimensional beings who go into that zone never come back out. And if those who do come back insane from adapting to the zone. If you want to know more about Cadillac's mythos read my other stories. Ciao for now.**


	7. Chapter 7: Ad for Europe

**Me: Okay, this chapter the nations will be reacting to Colbert's "European Investment Prospectus" from 2011, where he makes a commercial trying to get China to invest in Europe, or just take Greece. I only own the psychopath with fangs.**

* * *

The most of the nations that were in the EU (Austria, Belgium, Bulgaria, Denmark, Finland, France, Germany and Prussia, Greece, Hungary, Ireland, Italian twins, Baltics, Holland, Poland, Romania, Spain, and the UK siblings), Switzerland, Sweden, the US personification, and China were currently in the meeting room, waiting for LT to finish setting up the projector. Bart (read my other stories to find about him if you don't know him) was tapping impatiently on the wood.

LT started to load the video, "Okay, the video is from 2011 and pokes fun at Greece's (and the EU's) money problem. At the end there is a commercial actually trying to get investors to buy Europe."

Cadillac cleared his throat, "He means the Europe you people represent, it'll take more than a commercial to convince some poor sap to buy you assholes." Most of the nations considered to do something about his remark, but decided not to since Cadillac hospitalized most of the people in the room.

LT started the film.

When Colbert's face came up on the screen US wooed, most of the Europeans scratched their heads, China was wondering if he made a ripoff of the show (he did), and Holland face palmed, "Not this asshole again."

_"Up next folks there is huge, huge news from Europe. At least I think it's huge, it's in metrics so who can tell?" "Now normally I don't give a flying Pfeffernüsse what happens in the Old Country, as long as they keep the Audis coming and the Swiss Miss flowing. But Europe can drag us all down, just like they did to David Hasselhoff."_

Everybody got a laugh from this, except of course the two brothers who were fans of the Hoff. Prussia started denying, "It was West's side that was obsessed with that unawesome singer! Really, West he can't sing or act." Germany sighed as he started to get a migraine.

_"You see in this new global economy we're all interconnected like a fiscal human centipede. *shows a diagram of a human centipede with the head labeled as "China", the middle "EU", and the back "US"."_

Cadillac pulled out a notebook marked "Possible Torture Methods for Nations" and scribbled something down. The US personification, who was eating a burger threw up in his mouth when he got that mental image. Most of the nations were unfazed by this, just slightly disturbed by the mental image.

_"And if you noticed, America is not the head and unfortunately China eats a lot of spicy food."_

"I do not, aru. That would be India."

_"__So it was a huge relief when last week Europe got their merde in a serious pile. An agreement was reached before 4 AM, impressive the only plan I've been able to come up with at this hour is telling the cops that the raccoon started it."_

This actually made a number of them laugh.

"_Now folks, this crisis was caused by Greece's massive debt, evidently, their only liquid asset is tzaitki sauce."_

Germany, "Honestly I wouldn't be surprised if that were the case."

_"Now because Germany has the largest economy, the responsibility to putting together this deal has fallen onto Chancellor Angela Merkel. If only there were someone on the world stage who could relax those shoulders *shows Bush giving Merkel a quick shoulder massage*."_

Prussia used this to make a remark about his brother and Italy, "Didn't you get your boytoy to help you relax during that time West?" while N. Italy asked what he meant by this, Hungary proceeded to attack the albino with a frying pan.

_"No way Obama would do that, and by the way that's what a German looks like relaxed."_

_"And folks, *audience starts to clap* yeah Germany, Germany *Stephen claps along too* this deal makes European banks to take a 50% loss on all their investments in Greek bonds. And there's a name for that *shows a clip of American newsman calling it a haircut*" _

"_And we know how hard it is to give a Greek a haircut, the hedge clippers get dull halfway up the back."_

Greece stopped playing with his cats and got up, "I don't have hair on my back. Look-" The nations (minus the perverted trio) stopped him before he could strip.

_"Now the plan includes a bailout fund of 1.4 trillion dollars, now Europe has a solid plan known as begging China for 1.4 trillion dollars. Works for us! *audience starts cheering for China*"_

China turned to the US, "When are you going to pay me back again, aru?" America began to panic, "Oh th- I- it's in my other pants?"

_"Now Europe, when borrowing from the Chinese it's polite to send them a thank you gift, preferably, all your manufacturing jobs."_

China again turned to the US, "On second thought, keep the jobs coming and I'll forget about the money, aru."

_"But so far China hasn't bitten on this turd panini. Now once again it falls on my shoulder to avoid a global crisis, I made the following ad to tempt investors with the (fake) German delegation's Hans Beinholtz. Get out your checkbooks world."_

_"Do you enjoy smoking indoors? Paintings on the ceilings? Perhaps you like the ladies with some hair in the arm pits?"_

"You sure this is for all of us? I swear that last on only applies to the frog." "And like your women belong on magazine covers?" "Two words, Emma Watson."

LT intervened, "Actually, she was born in France." While France got smug at this a few nations raised an eyebrow at LT, "I also know Christoph Waltz is Austrian, Fassbender is German, and Jackie from That 70's Show is from Ukraine." The nations turned to Cadillac, who shrugged. "The kid watches a lot of movies and goes on a lot of trivia sites."

_"Hello, I am German General Director of Finance, Hans Beinholtz."_

_"These are dark financial times and you want a secure financial place to put your money. That is why I am thrilled to offer you an amazing investment opportunity, Europe!" _

_"Haven't you always wanted to own a continent? My people have."_

The German brothers coughed as they remembered WW2.

_"Europe has Germany, France, Italy."_

_"_Why did he only mention those 3?" "Because when people go on vacation they prefer Paris, home to great art and great cooking. While London has bad cooking and bad manners." The nations groaned as France and England started to get into a fist fight again. LT turned to the lazy Cadillac who is in charge of keeping them from trying to kill one other, "Can you stop them please?" Cadillac got up, walked over to the two, pulled both up (one on each arm), and tossed them towards opposite sides of the room.

_"__Yes, Europe, the Old Country will never lose it's value because leading economic integers suggest Europe will continue to grow in age over time."_

A few of them chuckled nervously, "We're not that old are we?" Cadillac shrugged, "Doesn't really matter, I'm older than everything in this goddamn universe so you shouldn't be upset you've been alive for a few centuries."

_"Eat dinner at ten, take a nap at two, meet your lover at four, meet your mistress at 5, meet your lovers mistress at 6."_

A few got annoyed at this (S. Italy, UK siblings, and a few of the religious nations), "We're pretty sure that's just for the frog, except maybe the nap thing." England looked at Spain when he said this.

_"Plus, CHEESE! CHEESE! CHEESE!"_

"Again, only France."

_"And thousands of the world's strangest toilets."_

"Okay you got us on that one."

_"Act now and we'll throw in Greece. Even if you do not act now, we will throw in Greece. Please, just take Greece."_

Cadillac turned to the nations, "You know if Greece still has a money problem, I'd be willing to invest the amount money needed." When he saw a few of them were confused by this he sighed, "I was forced to make nearly a billion dollars worth of gold when Spain kidnapped me, how much you think I'd be able to make of my own free will?"

_"All of this can be yours of just one easy payment of 1.4 trillion dollars. Won't you allow us to continue to exist?"_

_"Invest in Europe, where culture, history, and fun are always having a threeway."_

"Are you sure this isn't a commercial for moi?"

LT got up, "Okay what did you all think?"

England, "You made us watch a commercial about France."

China, "I was shown proof that I'm top dog when it comes to keeping my money in check, aru."

America, "It was a horrible reminder of my debt to China."

Germany, "It was a reminder of why everyone goes to me for assistance." Prussia, "Especially when shit hits the fan."

France, "Reminder of why I'm one of the greatest countries in Europe." He was then hit upside the head by a frying pan.

* * *

**Me: If you're wondering how I knew the nationalities of those celebrities it's because I go on WhatCulture. Anyway, sorry if this wasn't up to your standards and comment what you think I should do next.**


End file.
